Today's WTF moment...

...is for myself. I am a dreamer. Always have been. And I mean that really quite literally. It's what I do...all...day... I am constantly daydreaming. Usually, I am daydreaming of singing on a stage, or acting on a stage, or filming a movie, or dancing on a stage... see a common theme? The stage my friends. The stage. I dream all day of performing. The last time I did so was the summer of 2007, the summer before my wedding. Before that it had been another year. I had my sister to take care of. Then I had a wedding to plan. Priorities man. There was a time when my highest priority was getting on that stage. Friends wouldn't see me for months. It isn't that I didn't love and miss them, but I have a hunger. Of late I have been feeling pretty desperate. I was insanely jealous during this season of American Idol. I was even thinking of auditioning myself later this month...but I have to work. Alas. Priorities. One of my favorite coworkers was recently accepted to NYU to attend their bilingual counseling program. She's doing it. She's going for her dream. She's scared and nervous and sad to leave her family. But she's doing it. "What am I going to do" I keep asking myself of late. What am I going to do. I know what I want. More than performing right now, I want to finish school. I still haven't gotten my degree. I'm gonna be 28 this year. I've never taken that walk to get my diploma. It was just yesterday that I actually thought about that. I was home schooled and when I graduated high school my mom called me out of bed, into the living room and said, "Do you want me to make a big deal out of this or do you want me to just hand it to you." "Just give it to me" I said. Then I went back to bed. And that was my high school graduation. But now I've got the hunger. I want to take that walk. I've been daydreaming about my path after that. It's time to stop dreaming man. Make it happen. I've got to do it for myself. I don't want to get to the end of my life, look back and think...WTF

Today's WTF!!! Moment

Warning: Only click on or copy and paste the following links if you want to be pissed off.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/townhall-michelle-obama-i_b_177947.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/23/tammy-bruce-calls-the-oba_n_178109.html

My mother used to say, "If you don't respect the man, you still have to respect the office." This was back in the Clinton days. She said she didn't like Bill Clinton, but if he came to our house and knocked on our door, she would be respectful, shake his hand and invite him in to dinner...because he is the president.

Now what I don't understand, is that the Obama's have been in office for less than a hundred days. Less than 70!!! What have they shown us thus far that deserves this kind of dirty, disgusting disrespect. And from the party that claims to be the morally superior one. I'm still looking for that part of the compassionate conservative party. These articles are just 2 more reasons why I am an independent...thinker and voter. Because WTF.

Today's WTF moment

This moment actually happened 2 nights ago. An older, dare I say, gentleman, was talking to someone about his mother's battle with early onset of Alzheimer's. What made this even worse than it's face value was that this happened in the midst of one of the types of crowds that vibes that they are more "enlightened" than the average folk.

Quote:
"My mother's body physically is great. She will probably live forever, which she is not happy about. But she isn't willing to do anything about it, which is inconvenient"

WTF

...She isn't willing to do anything about it...

Now, one of my worst fears is that I or any of my loved ones would get Alzheimer's. I just feel like that would be one of the most heartbreaking things that could happen to me and mine. But I could not imagine wanting them to be gone for the sake of convenience. To say I was pissed off at this statement is an understatement. I was outraged. I was angry and sad, but mostly angry. I believe that all life is sacred, once gone...it cannot come back again. My mother died when I was a pre-teen. If I could trade her dead body with one that is strong physically but whose mind has decided it's own path, I would take it so fast. Just to be able to see her when I could would be an immeasurable gift. It saddened and angered me that life can be so expendable to some, especially your own mother's... I'm still at a loss...and still a little pissed off...

Does Growing up really mean saying goodbye?

I am sitting here pondering this question. I think of where all of my friends are, the true ones that I trust anything with...and none of them are close to me. In fact, none of them are in a vicinity any where close to each other. We are all spread out. It would be funny if it didn't fill me with sadness. I have always been fiercely independent, and now when I think of the fact that I really have to be independent now, away from the women that enriched my life and were my source of strength for so long, I weep. Like I said before; marriage is revealing things in me that I didn't know existed. The worst part is there is nothing to be done about it. We are all headed in different directions; The Bay Area, Italy, Seattle, Merced...we are all in the places that God wants us to be in order to be the best people and live the best lives we can, but it's hard. I know it's right, but damn it hurts just the same. To say I miss my friends is an understatement. The loneliness doesn't hit me every moment, or even every day, but when it does, it's next to unbearable. C'est la vie, no? Oui. I used to say that this is the way life is supposed to go. Folks grow up, they move away from the familiar, or they stay put, but it's all ok. I'm not feeling ok just now.

The Good Stuff

I'm getting some couches! Lalalalalala. Did I tell you I'm the kind of girl who sings in her emails, or blooooogs...and counts every lalala...? Well I am. But that is a side point. The point is...I have become one of those women. The wife that gets most excited about accents and furniture for her home. Especially the furniture. I am surprised at how quickly I have settled into my role of wife. This is a place I never thought I would really be. And yet, here I am. I am still surprised that I have been blessed with such a love and circumstances, but at the same time, comfortable in my surroundings. Though everything about my life right now is relatively new and foreign. New husband, new home, new town, new job, new people. I am me still...but like in another dimension. I think this is one of the best parts about being married. It's like being me, but enhanced. Ya find out so many things about yourself when you get married. Like that I actually care about furniture...never happened before. But it's happenin now. And I welcome it.

The World is not enough

This entry has been on my mind for a while. Even after I write it here, there may be continuations of it later for the simple fact that I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts. That is nothing new. I have been thinking a lot about why. Literally, I have been pondering the concept of why.

Actually I don't really like the word "ponder" in this instance. It sounds snooty. I've been thinking about it. That is better.

As a young person, I wanted to tour the world as a singer and gain great fame. That's all I wanted. I thought it would come true too. It wasn't until my early to mid twenties that I really let that go. I don't know specifically when it happened. But I know that dream is no longer with me. Recently a co-worker has been talking to me about doing some music together. He writes and he thinks I have a good voice so it's something he'd like to do. He has even mentioned doing work in a studio and maybe putting out a demo record. To say that it is something I would love to do is an understatement. While I've been thinking of this chance to bring a little bit of my dream of singing to life, that youthful dream of fame and attention has been at the foggier edge of my thoughts. At this time in my life however, I am asking myself why. Why would I want to be famous. What is the meaning and what does one gain from attention. Why would I want to sing just for attention. I don't. I sing because it makes me feel whole and something lovely. But I sing mostly because I feel closer to God in that place. And is anything worth doing if it doesn't bring you close to the heart of God or act as a conduit for others to do so.

At a dinner with my husband and a friend recently the conversation revolved around why we go through all the daily routines in life. A friend of mine said that he's ready to go at any day. He isn't seeking death but Basically he's over it. The whole getting up, taking a shower, eat some breakfast, watch some tv, go to work, come home, go to dinner/cook dinner, kick it on the computer, watch more tv and/or play with friends, go to bed situation. I feel the same way. I love my life, but in the end I am asking myself why I do any of what I do. Why. Why anything in life. To enjoy it. And to bring you closer to the heart and face of God. Where else would one really want to be if they knew that that was an option for them? And what else isn't total vapor.

It's the Julie Andrews in me

The caption read "Obama Swoon Over. Back to Work." The actual title of the article was "Barack to Reality"

I knew this time would come. It hasn't been a week since most of America looked past party and racial lines to see what hope for America could look like again, and already the momentousness of the occasion is being downplayed. I can hear it's equivalent in my mind, "alright everyone, settle down. Yes this is nice, but we have to move on." As I am typing this tears are filling my eyes. I will not settle down. I will not....settle....down. Nor will I move on. What happened November 4th has repercussions that go beyond that day, or this past following weekend. Black children who want to be president now have a point of reference for really believing this is possible. People of color can now tell their children with conviction, that they can be WHATEVER they want. Can anyone fathom how priceless that really is. Our president wants peace and live's of quality for his fellow American's. Electing Barack Hussein Obama may not have fixed all of our problems, but having the hope that the warm dawn is upon us, even if we can't see it yet in a cold darkness, can make all the difference between the life and death of a person's being. There is hope for us America!!!

My favorite part of this election is that we have a leader that is an example to his fellow American's as a man of integrity and peace. American's have elected a leader that seems to really love all of American's. Not just those that align themselves with his political philosophies. He spoke up for the poor and downtrodden before he was a figure in the public eye which tells us his convictions about the struggling were not born out of a desire for attention. So pardon me as I swoon. And beam. And dance through the streets. And cry my tears of joy. And sing songs dripping with happiness. It's just the elated American in me.